ROCK BOTTOM 2.0
Posted on October 29 2018
ROCK BOTTOM 2.0. Equipped.
This is 29...almost.
I thought this PLACE commonly referred to as ROCK BOTTOM was a place people only had to visit once. That if lessons were learned, acceptance happened, and growth occurred, this PLACE could forever be avoided for the rest of LIFE. Right?!
Wrong. Very wrong. Like, major eye roll WRONG.
As I’ve so candidly discussed before, I’ve been to this place before. I knew what it looked like. I knew how it made me feel. It was familiar. It was my come to Jesus moment. November 2016. Marisa’s couch. I did my time. I put innnnnn the work. And now, 2 years later and just 2 weeks shy of my 29th birthday, (now days away) I couldn’t be here, like HERE again...
Well, what I discovered 4 weeks ago is that I was very wrong and after running out of gas on Lincoln Blvd (at night) I sat in my car in the middle of the road. Stuck and alone. Waving down a police officer who BY THE WAY blatantly ignored me and drove off...And cried. Because all I could do in this very moment WAS CRY.
PS- I wasn’t crying specifically about the gas although, very annoying and totally my own fault...I was crying because here I was again, in this all too familiar place, feeling everything I just mentioned above, and being stuck on Lincoln was my volcano eruption moment from a terrible 2 weeks.
It’s kind of like when you go home for the Christmas holiday and you’re at the grocery store and see that kid from 4th grade who didn’t let you sit with them at lunch and all of a sudden you’re just there...at the grocery store, buying your Topo Chico sparkling water and then BAM all of these feelings rush back 15 years later...
Yea- THAT feeling.
Despite drowning in hopeless in this less than admirable moment in my life, crying in the car felt a bit different. Deep down I felt this sense of peace. I felt equipped.
Equipped because I knew all of THIS was temporary. Equipped because I was smart enough to know ALTHOUGH ANNOYING, all of this was happening for me, pointing me in a direction I was supposed to be in. Equipped because even though I had close to the worst two weeks of my life, the last two years of #SMOOTHIECONVERSATIONS and everything it’s had to offer has been the greatest two years of my life, guiding me to find and stand tall in my own voice. This was simply a LIFE test for an allowance of my personal growth. And at this very moment in time I had never felt a stronger sense of self or purpose.
Talk about contradictory feelings!!!
So to circle back around to my point of sharing all of this in the first place, I don’t believe Rock Bottom is a one and done type of thing. Success and failure go hand in hand (see my piece on failing smarter) and we can’t have one without the other, so with that being said, we are bound to visit that Rock Bottom place more than once in a life time. All that we can hope for is each time that we take this trip, it becomes a little less scary and we will feel a bit stronger knowing we did the work, showed up for ourselves, and our armor of knowledge and experience and self love will protect us from permanently being hurt from tough situations. We may get bruised, but we won’t be broken.